You might think that I had been involved in many things and had many achievements in the last 2 or 3 months - but in truth I haven't and in all honesty I feel a bit frustrated.
My main issue has been that despite my finding a superb new Doctor and feeling really confident about him and my new treatment plans - my husbands employers have had to change their health insurance (at the Health Authority request), which has resulted in not only my not being able to see my new Doctor, but also having to pay around £150-200 per month on my medications - you know the ones that keep me alive! Now we are lucky enough to be able to afford that amount, but imagine if we could not..... there are a lot of people now refusing some crucial medications because its too expensive for them - which is shocking. All this because (and of course its not just this country, its pretty much everywhere..) people claim on health insurance for paracetemol, vitamins and all manner of cheap over the counter drugs which has led to those with chronic conditions like me, having to fork out a fortune or - and there is no easy way to put this when you need anti rejection drugs on a daily basis - die! So I am now trying to find a new consultant (and having found the very best, coming down from that is hard - I surely deserve the best Healthcare I can don't I??). I can only hope that enough people like me have raised their voices so that the insurers and the pharmacies can do something about the imbalance.....
I have also been diagnosed with Oesteoporosis - and yes I managed to get diagnosed with another thing to add to my long list of things which fate, for some unknown reason, sees fit to pass on to me AGAIN! Now of course I will live with that and get on with everything as I usually do but I really really REALLY have had enough now.......
These things along with a couple of interviews for jobs where no one even has the decency to come back to you with a 'thanks but no thanks' or a 'sorry you did not get the job for 'x' reason' (why does this happen now, as an HR professional I would always get back to someone with feedback and results..........) - has given me a dip in confidence again.
The only thing that keeps me going in all this is my family and my craft. However as much as I love my craft I am now losing confidence with that too! I see lots of people making a success of their own businesses and moving forward. I have recently designed 5 patterns but don't have the confidence to put them out because I am paranoid that there will be something wrong with them - or in the case of one of them, a lovely designer I know has just put out something very similar and I lose sleep at night thinking she will think I have copied her.........and these things are just irrational.
So I am thinking that maybe its time to shake things up a bit - I don't know how, but that 7 year itch is needing a big scratch! I am desperate to go back the UK and I am sure my husband is sick and tired of hearing it! At the moment though its not the right time and we could really do with staying another 2 years. I don't want to go back to Corporate life again, but I do know that I need to feel a sense of achievement and I just don't know what that looks like!!
I have made a Bucket List and I have made a list of things I love ....... thats a start. Now I need to step out of the comfort zone and look at what the next chapter in my life needs to bring!!
Wish me Luck!
